Are you feeling confident in your ability to be the kind of parent you truly want to be for your children? Are there specific areas where you feel you could improve, or do you have any concerns about your parenting approach? These are all valid questions, and the fact that you are even sitting there asking yourself these questions already tells you that you are an amazing parent. No matter what you see on social media or anywhere else, none of us are perfect parents. What makes us kick-ass parents is the amount of effort we are willing to put into our children to ensure they become healthy, successful, kindhearted adults.
Trauma
Experiencing trauma can have a profound impact on your parenting. When parents grapple with trauma, they may feel a heightened sense of anxiety and insecurity about their abilities to parent effectively. This can significantly impede their capacity to foster a healthy and enjoyable parent-child relationship, as well as hinder their ability to make decisions for the family.
Generational Gap
The generation gap often causes us to question our parenting styles. Differences in political beliefs, attitudes toward work, and ideas about family and relationships across generations can lead to misunderstandings between parents and children. This can make it difficult for parents to understand their children's choices, which can strain the relationship.
Intergenerational Transmission
Intergenerational transmission refers to the process of passing down behaviors, traits, and characteristics from one generation to the next. When we consider intergenerational transmission and parenting, it is the process by which a parent's parenting style and attitudes are passed on to their children, either intentionally or unintentionally. These are just a few of the more common factors that play into how we parent our children. Some of us realize these things early on in our parenthood journey, while for others, these realizations happen too late. Going through different seasons in life has somewhat forced me to take a step back and look at myself as a person before judging myself as a mom. If you feel like you can relate to some of these unspoken reasons, here are some things that can help…
Awareness. Being aware is crucial for becoming the kind of parent you aspire to be. Next time you are faced with a tough situation try to pause before simply reacting to your child.
Breaking the cycle. Breaking generational patterns doesn't mean dismantling the family structure, but rather understanding the influence of childhood experiences on adult relationships. One way to help break the cycle is to validate your child's feelings and explain your reasons when you say no (within reason). You are still the adult and the decision maker but there are times when a little explanation can help them better understand your motives.
Boundaries. Healthy boundaries ensure that the growth and change you are Implementing to be a better parent are protected. Depending on what stage of parenthood you are in, setting firm boundaries instead of focusing on punishment can go a long way!
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you show yourself some grace. None of us are out here crushing it 100% of the time as parents. That’s not realistic, and you shouldn’t carry that weight on your shoulders. We are all learning in our own ways. What makes us the best parents are the things we learn and accept in the moment, the things we’ve lived through in the past, and the effort we put in each day to be better.
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