It’s a new day, a new week, and a new opportunity to start fresh. As women, we try so hard to ensure we keep the peace in many different parts of our lives. Maybe it’s just one of those things that’s hard-wired into us or maybe it’s a generational pattern that we haven’t even recognized yet. Either way, it’s an impossible expectation for anyone to have of you let alone for you to have for yourself.
In different seasons of your life, you realize certain things and have to choose how you will deal with them. Sometimes you can keep the peace and other times you have to realize that there was never peace there to begin with. So how do you keep the peace that was never there? Well, the only way is to establish inner peace and then protect that.
Now in my thirties, I am going through a tough season where I’m realizing that I have never had real peace with a close family member. Realizing this, now leaves me to make some hard decisions based on what is best for my children, myself, and my inner peace. I tell you this because it circles back to what I said in the beginning “It’s an impossible expectation” and those holding that expectation over your head are not doing right by you! I am still working through this myself but here are some tips that have helped me so far in this process…
1. This isn’t your fault – let's take this back to boundaries for just a second. Choosing to protect your inner peace means you have to establish some boundaries, right? People either respect your boundaries when you tell them what it is, or they throw a tantrum about it. The reality is that most people throw a tantrum because they don’t like your boundaries. Usually, because your boundary isn’t convenient for them, but it isn’t there for them, it’s there for you! It is not your fault how they decide to react and deal with a boundary that is best for you.
2. Avoid doubt – Don’t doubt yourself. Allow yourself to be curious and ask yourself all the questions you may need to to feel confident in your decisions. My favorite line that I always hear is “But they are family” …so freaking what?!? Just because someone is family doesn’t mean that gives them the right to knowingly and repeatedly make me feel sad, uncomfortable, anxious, etc. Don’t let yourself be easily talked down from something you feel is right for yourself and/or your family. Only you know yourself the way you do!
3. Breathe and be patient – Change is hard for many people whether you are the one making or receiving the change. Emotions can get sloppy, and you must try your hardest not to act based on those emotions. That’s easier said than done, believe me! What is important is that you give yourself time and space when needed to process things and think logically. To do that you may need to just walk away and breathe, and that’s OK!
I just want you to remember your worth. The expectations that matter the most are the ones you give yourself. No matter what you are used to seeing, have been taught from youth, or generational patterns, your inner peace is more important than keeping the imaginary peace for someone else! You got this and I believe in you.
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